but there i was. after 30 minutes of of lying there, trying to relax and fall back asleep, listening to the incessant humming sound of the air in the vents, trying to figure out what the different lights were outside my window, and thinking (kiss of death, if you are trying to fall asleep), i got pretty uncomfortable. there is a lot on my mind, no doubt. many things have changed lately, and more are about to change. all of this is good, though - so why the hell am i up when i should be sleeping?!?
i think this change is causing me to reflect (gasp!) on where i am. the last eight years, have been incredibly eventful - graduated from a school i never thought i'd get into with amazing classmates after two years of intense, fun, and sometimes even educational time, moving across the country to an awesome city where i knew almost no one, re-lighting my creative pursuits - one new (acting) and one old (music), getting married, having my sister move close to me for the first time since college, all the while doing incredible things at work - quite successfully, i might add. but taking stock of where i am - while i am incredibly blessed, lucky, fortunate, or whichever term speaks to you about the fact that i have absolutely nothing to complain about and should (and do) thank the universe for all that i have - i'm still a bit more, well, average, than i ever thought i would be. i'm sure i'm whining and under-selling what i have accomplished, but wait...there is more...
to make matters worse, as i started thinking about friends and acquaintances and inevitably and nearly ridiculously comparing my successes to theirs, i started thinking about dreamers. i know that it takes a lot of different things to make a dream come true. luck is not completely out of the equation...but waking up and getting to work also has a lot to do with it. as i laid in bed listening to the heating vent, i thought 'i should get up and do something.' and the most disturbing thought came to mind - i have no idea whatsoever what i would do.
i can get jazzed about a ton of stuff...music, fashion, food, working out (at least for spurts of time), wine, cars, technology, business strategy, art, acting, tennis, photography...the list goes on and on and on. but i feel like i have no 'best of' skill in any of these! and what's worse - i used to be damn good at stuff. where'd all that talent go?
before you dive into an eye-rolling depression, let me say this...i have perspective, but i want more. and i need to figure out how to get it. i know it will take hard work, a little luck, a good attitude, and maybe a little inspiration. let's see what we can do about that...
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